I have a new philosophy..

If ever I feel useless..

If ever I get the impression that I suck at everything,

I have never achieved anything in my life,

I am a slacker, underachiever, never amounted to anything..

I just remember

I was that fastest in a race

Against millions of other sperm....

It's frustrating... It keeps me up at night and leaves me exhausted during the day...

I day dream during class, I get distracted during tests..

I can't even concentrate on the things I once loved to do..

When I get home, all I want to do it sit with you, to calm myself.....

But I missed my chance..

You're already dead...

Every time I think of you

It was during our best times

When we loved eachother, when we still talked, when we held eachother

There are no other memories, I never see you at your worst now that you're gone

And I think of you alot..

Not that I'm blaming you for the car crash....

I'm getting a car finally.

I can turn the wheel,

I can press the gas,

I can kill who ever the $%&* I want....

I'm going to be a pedophile for Halloween..

I'm going to drive around in a van and a hoodie and race little children to the door..

When I say trick or treat and the guy says "Aren't you a little old to be trick or treating?"

I'll laugh a bit and tell him it's not for me...